Pudge Nakamoto (Is Shaped Like a Friend)
from Immune To Consequences by Walrus Promenade
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about
Pudge Nakamoto is possibly the most controversial and, at this point, reviled player in Kansas City Breath Mints history. They were the league-provided replacement for our beloved star (and leadoff) hitter Boyfriend Monreal, who was incinerated in Season 7 just as we were about to make the playoffs. Pudge was very bad at Blaseball and perhaps single-handedly sunk our shot at the Season 7 championship, and pretty much kept us out of playoff contention for several seasons after that until the game finally gave us a way to send them away.
That would be bad enough. Unfortunately, many fans also sort of adopted Pudge and imagined them as a cute little critter who just wanted to be everyone's friend, which left the fanbase divided as to whether to try to make them less bad or just get rid of them. In the end, we accidentally did both, and used one of the few levers we had to affect the game to give Pudge a stat boost in the same election in which we sent them to another team. Oops!
That would be bad enough. Unfortunately, many fans also sort of adopted Pudge and imagined them as a cute little critter who just wanted to be everyone's friend, which left the fanbase divided as to whether to try to make them less bad or just get rid of them. In the end, we accidentally did both, and used one of the few levers we had to affect the game to give Pudge a stat boost in the same election in which we sent them to another team. Oops!
lyrics
Pudge Nakamoto is new to the game.
They just appeared in the spot where your favorite star had been enveloped in flame.
So if anyone asks you "Where the hell'd our Boyfriend go?"
Just introduce them to their new best friend, Pudge Nakamoto.
Pudge doesn't know what to do with a bat,
and refuses to learn so there's not very much anyone can really do about that.
But you don't have to improve, and you don't have to grow
if you can just chill and eat pancakes with your best friend, Pudge Nakamoto.
Now Pudge does make a mean pancake, it must be said!
But it still won't be more than a couple of seasons before you end up wanting them dead.
'Cause Pudge Nakamoto is shaped like a friend.
They're cute and they're fat and their time as your leadoff bat will never come to an end.
So if you had dreams of a team with a championship in a season or two,
your new best friend Pudge Nakamoto will make sure they never come true.
They just appeared in the spot where your favorite star had been enveloped in flame.
So if anyone asks you "Where the hell'd our Boyfriend go?"
Just introduce them to their new best friend, Pudge Nakamoto.
Pudge doesn't know what to do with a bat,
and refuses to learn so there's not very much anyone can really do about that.
But you don't have to improve, and you don't have to grow
if you can just chill and eat pancakes with your best friend, Pudge Nakamoto.
Now Pudge does make a mean pancake, it must be said!
But it still won't be more than a couple of seasons before you end up wanting them dead.
'Cause Pudge Nakamoto is shaped like a friend.
They're cute and they're fat and their time as your leadoff bat will never come to an end.
So if you had dreams of a team with a championship in a season or two,
your new best friend Pudge Nakamoto will make sure they never come true.
credits
from Immune To Consequences,
released November 5, 2022
license
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Walrus Promenade Seattle, Washington
discography
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Nov 2022 -
Apr 2022 -
Apr 2019 -
Apr 2016 -
Nov 2023
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