Marquez Clark (This Is What a Real King Looks Like)
from Immune To Consequences by Walrus Promenade
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about
Marquez Clark was the most hapless player in Breath Mints history, and one of the most hapless players in all of Blaseball. So many bad things could happen to Blaseball players that the all-time most unfortunate player is a very hotly contested title, but Marq was probably subject to the widest variety of mishaps out of any player. By the end of the Blaseball beta, we had accumulated a copypasta in tribute to Marq that this song takes as its inspiration.
π MARQUEZ CLARK π
π₯ BEANED 5 TIMES π₯
π€’ ATE 2 PEANUTS π€’
π§ ACCIDENTALLY SHADOWED π§
π₯ ACCIDENTALLY UNSHADOWED π₯
π¦ EATEN BY SHARKS π¦
ποΈ OBSERVED ποΈ
β STOLE HOME TWICE IN THE SAME INNING β
π ZERO BATTING STARS π
π REVERBED TO LEADOFF π
πΏ 2 TIME ANTIPOPE πΏ
β« SHADOWED EXTREMELY ON PURPOSE β«
π₯ INCINERATED WITH THE BREATH MINTS π₯
π WENT FREAKING ROGUE AND KILLED GOD π
ποΈ VAULTED WITH THE BREATH MINTS? ποΈ
π THIS IS WHAT A REAL KING LOOKS LIKE π
We imagined Marquez Clark as a vampire, and as a Kansas City native who spoke the Queen's English and thought he was playing cricket. The vampire part was because he had a modifier that would enable him to drink other players' blood. The rest of it was just because we thought it was funny.
π MARQUEZ CLARK π
π₯ BEANED 5 TIMES π₯
π€’ ATE 2 PEANUTS π€’
π§ ACCIDENTALLY SHADOWED π§
π₯ ACCIDENTALLY UNSHADOWED π₯
π¦ EATEN BY SHARKS π¦
ποΈ OBSERVED ποΈ
β STOLE HOME TWICE IN THE SAME INNING β
π ZERO BATTING STARS π
π REVERBED TO LEADOFF π
πΏ 2 TIME ANTIPOPE πΏ
β« SHADOWED EXTREMELY ON PURPOSE β«
π₯ INCINERATED WITH THE BREATH MINTS π₯
π WENT FREAKING ROGUE AND KILLED GOD π
ποΈ VAULTED WITH THE BREATH MINTS? ποΈ
π THIS IS WHAT A REAL KING LOOKS LIKE π
We imagined Marquez Clark as a vampire, and as a Kansas City native who spoke the Queen's English and thought he was playing cricket. The vampire part was because he had a modifier that would enable him to drink other players' blood. The rest of it was just because we thought it was funny.
lyrics
A real king has no need to wear a crown;
you can tell from how the Breath Mints talk
that he's a man of some renown.
A real king knows that cricket is a classy sport.
(And he thinks it's what he's playing,
which our scout left out of their report.)
A real king takes a blaseball to the skull,
and he doesn't bat an eye...
in fact, he shouldn't bat too much at all.
A real king might get eaten by a shark,
but he'll keep a real stiff upper lip,
or his name isn't Marquez Clark.
But I don't understand why he comes back every season,
when it only means that awful things will happen for no reason.
Hey Marquez, what's the plan?
It just keeps on getting worse!
Won't you tell us what you need so that this blaseball thing of yours can run its course?
A real king takes a blaseball to the head.
I know I said that once before,
but Marquez Clark got beaned a whole lot more.
A real king might get noticed by the gods β
and we'll be praying for redaction β
but he'll beat the odds.
And it makes me wonder if the struggling can be its own reward,
when the only path for all of us leads down the long blade of a sword.
What is there to learn from Marquez Clark?
And how much can we see and feel before we all go down into the dark?
you can tell from how the Breath Mints talk
that he's a man of some renown.
A real king knows that cricket is a classy sport.
(And he thinks it's what he's playing,
which our scout left out of their report.)
A real king takes a blaseball to the skull,
and he doesn't bat an eye...
in fact, he shouldn't bat too much at all.
A real king might get eaten by a shark,
but he'll keep a real stiff upper lip,
or his name isn't Marquez Clark.
But I don't understand why he comes back every season,
when it only means that awful things will happen for no reason.
Hey Marquez, what's the plan?
It just keeps on getting worse!
Won't you tell us what you need so that this blaseball thing of yours can run its course?
A real king takes a blaseball to the head.
I know I said that once before,
but Marquez Clark got beaned a whole lot more.
A real king might get noticed by the gods β
and we'll be praying for redaction β
but he'll beat the odds.
And it makes me wonder if the struggling can be its own reward,
when the only path for all of us leads down the long blade of a sword.
What is there to learn from Marquez Clark?
And how much can we see and feel before we all go down into the dark?
credits
from Immune To Consequences,
released November 5, 2022
license
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about
Walrus Promenade Seattle, Washington
discography
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Nov 2022 -
Apr 2022 -
Apr 2019 -
Apr 2016 -
Nov 2023
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