Live. Laugh. Leach.
from Immune To Consequences by Walrus Promenade
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about
Winnie Hess might have been the best Kansas City Breath Mint, but Leach Ingram was the *most* Breath Mint. Initially a shockingly poor pitcher, Leach became perversely beloved for her absolute refusal to throw strikes. "Live, Laugh, Leach," or "🌱 🤣 💀," was the mantra we'd repeat when Leach would squander a lead by walking six batters in a row. Leach reminded us that it was all just a game, and one we had little influence over at that, and that we were all in it to have a good time. Keeping that in mind is, in large part, why Breath Mints fans considered ourselves and our team to be Immune From Consequences.
But when she got a bit better, by partying and being voted a stat boost by a fanbase that couldn't bear to give her the boot, Leach also performed feats that seemed too miraculous and narratively satisfying to be randomly generated.
This song was written before Leach became a batter. It was written quite some time before the Breath Mints' one and only championship win, which concluded with Leach returning to the final game after being absent for the previous two only to hit the game-winning home run.
But when she got a bit better, by partying and being voted a stat boost by a fanbase that couldn't bear to give her the boot, Leach also performed feats that seemed too miraculous and narratively satisfying to be randomly generated.
This song was written before Leach became a batter. It was written quite some time before the Breath Mints' one and only championship win, which concluded with Leach returning to the final game after being absent for the previous two only to hit the game-winning home run.
lyrics
Who knew a lich
could rock a vape and throw a pitch?
(But not so good that I don't bet against the Breath Mints
when I hear she's in a game —
and it makes me rich.)
They call her Leach,
and winning games exceeds her reach.
Her favorite things are doing vape tricks on the mound,
chugging Four Lokos and long walks not on the beach.
She does this throw...
I must admit it's quite a show.
She blows a smoke ring and then puts the ball right through it.
Has it ever hit the strike zone?
(No)
How many innings since that lich walked in a run?
And how much longer till she walks another one?
It's a shame:
her head is just not in the game.
Because she pitched it as a joke
And it got fouled into the stands behind first base!
(Nice!)
Yeah, what's her name????
Leach Ingram.
Leach Ingram.
Leach Ingram.
Well, Leach Ingram got infused,
and now the Breath Mints are amused
to see their favorite dirtbag pitching like an ace.
With no outs she'll load the bases just for fun,
then not allow a single run,
just to rub it in their face.
You should see her ERA,
and how she'll force a double play
by walking batters straight into the Mints' defenses.
It's a new, improved Leach Ingram!
So grab your bats and swing 'em,
but just realize it won't be for the fences
against Leach Ingram!
Leach Ingram!
Leach "5 Loko" Ingram!
could rock a vape and throw a pitch?
(But not so good that I don't bet against the Breath Mints
when I hear she's in a game —
and it makes me rich.)
They call her Leach,
and winning games exceeds her reach.
Her favorite things are doing vape tricks on the mound,
chugging Four Lokos and long walks not on the beach.
She does this throw...
I must admit it's quite a show.
She blows a smoke ring and then puts the ball right through it.
Has it ever hit the strike zone?
(No)
How many innings since that lich walked in a run?
And how much longer till she walks another one?
It's a shame:
her head is just not in the game.
Because she pitched it as a joke
And it got fouled into the stands behind first base!
(Nice!)
Yeah, what's her name????
Leach Ingram.
Leach Ingram.
Leach Ingram.
Well, Leach Ingram got infused,
and now the Breath Mints are amused
to see their favorite dirtbag pitching like an ace.
With no outs she'll load the bases just for fun,
then not allow a single run,
just to rub it in their face.
You should see her ERA,
and how she'll force a double play
by walking batters straight into the Mints' defenses.
It's a new, improved Leach Ingram!
So grab your bats and swing 'em,
but just realize it won't be for the fences
against Leach Ingram!
Leach Ingram!
Leach "5 Loko" Ingram!
credits
from Immune To Consequences,
released November 5, 2022
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Walrus Promenade Seattle, Washington
discography
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Nov 2022 -
Apr 2022 -
Apr 2019 -
Apr 2016 -
Nov 2023
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